


Radiating pain (Hinata angst)

by Izukus_Thot



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anime, Haikyuu - Freeform, Sad, feeling like a bad friend, flower field, haikyuu anime boys, probably typos, wanting to be loved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27866034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izukus_Thot/pseuds/Izukus_Thot
Kudos: 11





	Radiating pain (Hinata angst)

Hinata sat in the middle of the colorful field, thousands of beautiful flowers surrounded him. He was overwhelmed, stressed. Probably because he thought he had to take on the world. Messages everyday from his friends. He knew that it was too much for him but he kept on going and going. Late nights spent talking on the phone with his friend till they felt better, and school days where friends called him while he was trying to pay attention. He didn't what to do. How could he tell a friend in need that what they were saying was hurting him? He just couldn't. It would be wrong. 

He knew what it felt like to be alone. He knew what it felt like to have nobody. That's why he pushed so hard. Even when he had gotten no sleep he still peddled up those hills with all the strength he had. And still picked up the calls that awoke him at 3 am. He still did so many things that pained him. Because he knew that they could possibly pay off. And maybe one day someone would pick up his call at 3 am. Maybe someday someone would ask him, "Hey Shoyo, are you ok?" without him begging for it. He thought it was wrong to ask for attention because asking for attention was bad. But he needed someone. He needed to say something because no one was going to make an effort. So maybe...If he gave them just a little push..And told them his day wasn't good...Then maybe they would start to care. Start to notice his smile fading. Start to notice his bright personality becoming dark. But no...No one noticed. 

Even after countless nights of trying to help them...They still weren't there for him. And then the feelings so loneliness came back. He felt like he was no longer their friend. But only their therapist. He wanted to be seen as a good person. He did...He really truly did. Hinata wanted to have someone to care for. But he wanted that person to care for him as well.

Was it so much to ask? So much to ask for a good friend? His free time spent crying. He was scared to sleep, because he knew....As soon as he closed his eyes...His mind would take somewhere dark. Somewhere that scared him. But he figured that place was where he belonged. So he played music...Music that hurt him. And he closed his eyes, and let his mind take over. And then...All of his smile was gone. All of his childish ways were gone. He missed the happiness. The feeling of a true smile. Putting so much work in, trying to be happy. It took too much out of him. His heart was so broken. He was so broken. But no one noticed...

Maybe- maybe if he wasn't Shoyo...Maybe if he was someone else people would care. So he didn't be himself anymore. He wanted to be someone different. Someone that was important to the world. Maybe someone that people would look at... Maybe someone that people would want to love. 

Hinata wasn't big on relationships. But he couldn't help but wonder what it felt like to be touched by another...To be loved by another...To be held by another. And to unconditionally love them back. To be in a bond so close and so tight that no one could break it. He wanted true love. He wanted to dance with them in this same flower field. But all the movies he watched with his mom lied to him. All those movies...And he knew none of those events would ever happen to him. Even if he wished on a shooting star. It wouldn't happen. Because...Shoyo thought he wasn't worth anyone's love. And his past lovers proved it to be true. So...He thought he was bound to be alone. And started to push away anyone and everyone. 

Is wasn't out of spite...It wasn't an act of meanness. It was a mere act of self hatred. Because his heart flamed with it. His blood boiled when he looked in the mirror. Because he began to notice nothing about him was beautiful.

He ran his fingertips against the flowers. The sun dimming, and the sky filling with clouds. Noticing how beautiful the field was...He was mesmerized. Eyes twinkling at the vibrant colors. The wind blowing through his hair, and his sweater beginning to fail at warming him. The tears rolling down his cheeks. And the color leaving his eyes. This was him. The real him. 

His hands gripping his hair and he couldn't hold back his whimpers. And his breaths beginning to shorten. Whipping the tears from his cheeks, though they flowed too fast. And his sleeve now dampened from the pain that was on display. It felt like he was frozen in place, but everything around him was still moving. Like his sneakers were stuck to the ground. And he felt so weak he couldn't even get up. So much pain filling his body that he fell limp, crushing the beautiful flowers underneath him. Spreading his arms out, and breathing the fresh air. He closed his eyes and he felt he was falling. 

Falling down this deep dark hole that was never ending. A hole so dark that he couldn't see the escape. Was there no escape to this pain? Was there no happiness in the future for Shoyo? Could he ever be happy again...


End file.
